Two things I haven’t done in a while: PPV Predictions and detailed PPV predictions… well, as detailed as you can get from me, anyway. So this is the second edition of WWE One Night Stand, which initially began as an ECW reunion show (the original ECW, not the crap that’s on TV now) and quickly shifted into WCW Uncensored with a fancier name. Longtime fans may know what I’m talking about with that kind of reference, but for those who weren’t around during the glory era of the Monday Night Wars, let’s just say the concept of an all-gimmick PPV isn’t a WWE original idea in any way, shape, or form – though I doubt it was WCW’s original idea either, but I digress. So with fancy intro out of the way, let’s begin the shuffling.
(2019 Update: Updated to include my thoughts following the show posted a couple days later.)
Melina vs. Beth Phoenix (“I Quit” Match)
I don’t remember if there was a Diva-gimmick match at last year’s ONS show (if there was, it was probably something stupid such as “Evening Gown Pillow Fight in A Swimming Pool Full Of Dog Shit” match), but thank god they’re giving these girls a chance to really perform in EXTREME circumstances. From what I’ve seen, Beth Phoenix is a pretty competent wrestler (not that great, but good enough that she actually can wrestle) and Melina is actually getting there. Believe me, this is the closest you’ll get to a compliment from me regarding WWE’s talentless bimbos who will jump at the chance to participate in ridiculously stupid pillow fights and lingerie matches. This one will be completely random, so Beth.
Pick: Beth Phoenix
Winner: Beth Phoenix (1-0)
Shawn Michaels vs. Batista (Stretcher Match)
Batista-HBK is a match that hasn’t been done much lately when compared to the five hundred matches between HHH-Orton and Edge-Undertaker combined, so this idea isn’t completely stale as of late. I like the fact how this feud stems from Batista being upset that HBK retired buddy Ric Flair and not some nonsensical heel turn meaning nothing but another big dumb idiot for Shawn to fight. Speaking of which, it’s a Stretcher match because when you’re thinking EXTREME, you think Stretcher matches. I’m going to pick Shawn to win for two reasons; one because it was rumored that Dave might be taking time off and it wouldn’t make sense for him to get the win when he’s leaving for a short bit. And two: the old document this is based off of had Shawn as a pick for a previous match and I don’t feel like changing one name. So there you go.
Pick: Shawn
Winner: Batista (1-1)
Big Show vs. John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk (Singapore Cane Match)
Yeah, a Singapore Cane match. Because I suppose EXTREME rules isn’t EXTREME enough for these guys. The only pure ECW match on the card – and it’s not really saying much because almost ZERO effort has been put into pushing this feud. This seems almost like a completely random match slapped together for the sake of getting an ECW match on the card. For the sake of fun and laziness, I’m picking CM Punk to win it because, as stated before, the old document this is based off of had CM Punk as a pick for a previous match and I don’t feel like changing one name. So there you go. On a sidenote, I think it’s funny that they feature Kane on the main poster for the PPV and yet he is in NONE of the matches of the PPV. Go figure.
Pick: CM Punk
Winner: Big Show (1-2)
Jeff Harvey… Hardy vs. Umanga (Falls Count Anywhere)
Seriously? Falls Count Anywhere? Really. I guess a no-holds-barred street fight with high spots isn’t EXTREME enough for the likes of Jeff Harvey and Umanga. Although they all mean the same thing anyway, right?
Pick: Umaga
Winner: Jeff Harvey (1-3)
John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield (First Blood “Battle of the Johns” match)
Cena wins. Because Cena winning is EXTREME!
Pick: Cena
Winner: Cena (2-3)
Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match for the vacant WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Edge vs. Undertaker
If anyone thinks Undertaker is going to losing this match, then you must be a WWE fan. Give Taker the Big Gold Belt v2 back and let him fight someone else for once. I’m sick and tired of seeing the same fucking match for the fifth straight PPV in a row… or at least I would be sick and tired if I even bothered to pick up any of the shows. I guess I’m just not EXTREME enough to fork over fifty bucks for lackluster PPVs every few weeks.
Pick: Undertaker
Winner: Edge… OK, I didn’t see that coming. (2-4)
Last Man Standing for the World Wrestling Entertainment Championship
Triple H (champion) vs. Randy Orton
“Oh no, it’s Randy Orton and he’s challenged Triple H to a Last Man Standing match. Triple H’s reign as champion could be in jeopardy! Wait, why are you laughing? This is EXTREME-ly serious. No, really. Randy’s really going to be a threat to the Game’s reign as champion. Stop laughing. It’s not funny. It’s not like Orton’s the only guy HHH defends the title against… oh wait, he is.” Here’s another match I’d like to never see again for the foreseeable future. Enough!
Pick: He of the Three Hs.
Winner: Take a wild fucking guess. (3-4)
That’s it for this PPV. Overall, not a bad show by any means. Just an average one that isn’t worth bothering with.
For the most part, I thought the show was pretty lame. It wasn’t as EXTREME as WWE pushed it to be. If anything, it was pretty lame and nothing came of it. You would think that a match full of gimmick matches would be awesome, but when the gimmicks are lame ones such as Stretcher matches and Last Man Standing matches, it’s hard to feel EXTREME… er, excited over such things.
Hardy/Umaga – Falls Count Anywhere match, basically an excuse to go outside and do some dumb bit off a production truck. Not very exciting and not worthy of my time (I was finishing a game of Mega Man X [SNES] while this was on.)
The Cane Match – Big Show wins the match by pinning ECW Original Tommy Dreamer with one foot over his chest. If there is still any ECW legionnaires clinging to the (long dead) hope that this ECW might resemble the old some day, it was killed in this moment with one size-500 shoe. So it’s going to be Big Show vs. Kane. Shit! Never seen that one before.
Cena beats JBL in a First Blood match. What’s the point of bringing in a whip if you’re not going to use it? Worthless. Next.
Beth Phoenix beats Melina in an I Quit match. I… don’t care. Next.
Batista beats HBK in a stretcher match – I mean, really. Stretcher matches? That’s supposed to be extreme? Beat a guy up a bit and roll him on a stretcher past the finish line? Seriously. This match was really boring – nothing special going on and I have no idea who I’m supposed to be rooting for. Jericho did absolutely nothing with his brief appearances. I was expecting him to do something to blow my mind and save us from this horrible match.
HHH beat Randy Orton in a Last Man… ugh, another EXTREME match. Although that fall Randy took did look sick. Hope he’s OK.
Edge wins the World Title and ends Taker’s career in a TLC match. Anyone expecting Taker to truly go away is fooling themselves. If and when Taker’s career finally ends for real, it’ll be big. This wasn’t a big deal, although it was a fun match that didn’t get boring. But hopefully, Taker going away will mean Edge will have to fight someone new. Let’s hope it’s the other Hardy.
That’s it from me. If you didn’t see the show, you didn’t miss much.
dtm666 