So a couple days ago, during his match with the returning Mr. Ken Kennedy Kennedy, John Cena hurt himself and will be out of action for six months… thus forcing him to vacate the WWE Heavyweight Title. All I got to say is…
GEE WHIZ! THANKS, MR. KENNEDY KENNEDY!
So there’s a lot of unanswered questions surrounding this show: what is the purpose behind the mysterious Save_us.222 and Savior_Self promos that have been airing for the past couple of weeks? Who will be involved in the makeshift WWE championship match? Will there be a WWE championship match? Will CM Punk overcome the odds and trumph Big Daddy V, only to drop the belt back to the man he beat for it? Will I give a shit about any of this? All of this and more on the No Mercy PPV. Let’s get started.
Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix for the WWE Women’s Championship
Anyone who has followed my commentaries and match predictions know how I feel about the Divas division and how I treat their matches accordingly; when it features two women wrestlers proper, I tend to care somewhat. When it features two Divas in a match, I could hardly give two shits. This seems to be a mix of the two. While Candice is a Diva and unworthy of the title, at least she’s trying to be a competent wrestler and for that I’ll give her some degree of credit. As for Beth Phoenix, other than that whole Glamazon deal (what the fuck is a Glamazon?) she looks like a competent wrestler… meh, I’ll just pass and say Beth… simply because she’s blonde.
HHH vs. Umaga
On one side, you have the Samoan Bulldozer. On the other side, you have the McSon-In-Law and ten-time World champion. I think it’s a given as to who wins.
Rey Mysterio vs. Finlay
Let’s give the win to Finlay via JBL-terference.
CM Punk (c) vs. King Daddy Viscera for the ECW Championship
Pete Rose: Nothing for you, punk! It’s true. It’s TRUE!… C’mon, Punker.
Batista (c) vs. The Great Khali in a Punjabi Prison match for the World Heavyweight Championship
So a rematch between Krappi and Basketball Dave is set to be in a Punjabi Prison match, which is apparently the Great Khali’s specialty. So apparently, the Great Khali has had a number of Punjabi Prison matches and won them all. Sounds fine and dandy… except there’s only been one Prison match… and Khali wasn’t even in it… uh, yeah. Specialty my ass. Big Dave for the win.
WWE Championship Match
A little over a week ago, John Cena suffered a tear that forced him out of action for anywhere from six months to a year. With that, he was forced to surrender his coveted WWE title belt (it spins – fuck that). While I personally am happy to see the Cena reign come to a merciful (pun intended) end, I am somewhat slighted by the fact that it took an injury to end what happens to be a year-long reign as champion and not a loss to an individual who could have benefited from such a win… even if that person was Randy Orton. So now we’re stuck with a main event that is simply billed as a WWE Championship match… yes, because that alone is enough to sell tickets. Who’s involved in this match? What’re the stipulations for this match? Will there even be a match? Whose genius idea was it to push for a title match without mentioning who’s in it? Who knows… and ultimately who cares? I have more written on the subject in the Bite commentary, to be posted later today.
Oh yeah… six matches and a McMystery Meal main event… SMELL THE BUYRATES!
dtm666 