Okay, so in an attempt to be different (and failing miserably), I’ll be doing picks for a TNA PPV. These will mostly come out of my ass since I’m not as well informed on TNA happenings… although I do have some idea what’s going on. Anyway, let’s try this again…
Senshi vs. Austin Starr
Once upon a time, Senshi was known as Low Ki. Also once upon a time, Austin Starr was known as Austin Aries. Now for some reason, the two need to use Bob Backlund’s old submission for the win. Again, fault this to my lack of TNA awareness. However, I will venture a guess and pick Low Ki… because Austin Starr doesn’t seem like much.
Pick: Senshi/Low Ki/Whatever
Double Bullrope Match
Petey Williams/Gail Kim vs. James Storm/Jackie Moore
Wow, an interesting array of talent we have here. Two former members of a team (Williams with TNA’s Team Canada contingent, Storm with that Most Wanted tag team), each flanked by a former WWE Diva/wrestler (Gail Kim and Jackie Moore). Actually, this doesn’t really sound too bad, since Jackie used to be a competent wrestler (since I haven’t seen much of her lately, I can’t say) while Gail Kim didn’t seem too bad. Let’s go with Jackie, because maybe her top might pop again
Pick: James Storm and Jackie
Voodoo Kin Mafia vs. Mystery Team by Christy Hemme
Here’s something I do know a bit about. VKM (clever, Russo) had returned to “wage war” on Vince McMahon. After holding one of those types of challenges that the other company was obviously going to ignore, VKM declared victory. Of course now, they started a war with former WWE Diva Search refugee Christy Hemme. How did it start, you ask? Apparently, Billy Gunn (or Kip James as he’s refered to now) said something stupid about women not belonging in the ring. Yeah, it’s one of those petty gender feuds that goes absolutely no where. So anyway, regardless of the team, the former Outlaws will prevail.
Pick: Voodoo Kin Mafia
Ghetto Brawl
LAX vs. Team 3D
Someone please explain to me what the fuck a Ghetto Brawl is. Shouldn’t something like that be held in an actual ghetto and not in a fucking Universal theme park? Whatever.
Pick: LAX
Kurt Angle vs. Scott Steiner
Reading about the happenings of this match, I am reminded of the days when Scott Steiner was feuding with Trips over the World Title back in 2003. I remember the shitty matches on display that people paid money for. Years later, I wonder if Steiner still remembers how to throw an overhead suplex (or even anything else remotely resembling a decent attack). Kurt Angle should take the win if he treats Steiner like a roided John Cena – lots of body, charisma, and promo power, but no worthwhile moves.
Pick: Kurt Angle
Last Rites match
Sting vs. Abyss
Sting’s still around? I thought he was going to be touring with The Police. So that’s how he keeps in shape…
Oh wait, I’m sorry. I got the wrong Sting. But still… he’s still around? Doesn’t he usually disappear after a couple shows or something? Anyway, Abyss will win. Why? Because Abyss sounds cool.
Pick: Abyss
Two out of Three Falls Rules for the TNA X-Division Title
Chris Sabin (champion) vs. Jerry Lynn
Again… is Jerry Lynn still around? Not that I’m complaining. Last time I saw him, he could still go. If he can still go now, he’ll be champ.
Pick: Jerry Lynn
Elevation X (fancier Scaffold) match
Rhino vs. AJ Styles
Wow. Hard to believe they’re actually going for a Scaffold match. And to top it off, it’s material I can feed off.
While it’s true that Scaffold matches haven’t been seen in years, there’s probably a couple good reasons for that. First off, Scaffold matches are dangerous affairs in general. For those who have never witnessed one, the idea behind it is that you’re fighting on the suspended platforms and to win, you have to push the guy off. Now I don’t if that’s the same idea here, but if it is, that sort of thing tends to be dangerous because the loser can get seriously hurt or crippled if he were to land in a way that does cause him to get killed.
Second off, since nobody in their right mind will want to get hurt by falling off a scaffold, they tend to be a little careful on how they conduct the match and as a result, the action tends to suffer. I remember watching a scaffold match and thought it was generally boring. Matches such as Hell In A Cell or even a Ladder Match tend to be dangerous as well, but can produce some memorable moments and also tend to be great matches. I don’t recall a single memorable Scaffold match. Do you? But I digress.
Eh. Give it to Rhino.
Pick: Rhino.
NWA World Heavyweight Title
Christian Cage (champion) vs. Samoa Joe
Well, obvious Joe is going to win the title that he should have won last year. It’s too bad that Christian Cage is going to be the sacrificial lamb in this whole affair, as he’s been really hot as of late. Almost makes you wonder how much more of a success story he would have been had WWE gave him a shot at one of their World titles… almost.
Pick: Samoa Joe
Well, that was a relatively fun experience. Let’s hope Mania ends up being just as memorable. It’s been so fun commenting on this TNA affair that I might just do the next one. Who knows?
Later.
dtm666 