Okay, it’s cutting a little close to the PPV start time, but cut me some slack. I’ve got the flu and didn’t realize there was a PPV tonight until I browsed WWE.com a few hours ago. Despite my less than happy conditions, These predictions are going to be nice and quick, since I want to get back to bed. I may miss a match or two here, but at this point, I don’t really have the energy to do further research (as opposed to not having the energy to make an effort to do further research). I just wanna go to bed.
So here we go:
Boogeyman & Little Boogeyman vs. Fit Finlay & Little Bastard
Oh great, just what the world needed; a mini Boogerman. As if the normal-sized Boogeyman was bad enough, we get the mini version. And I thought things couldn’t get any worse with Finlay, who I felt was above this type of silliness.
Winner: Boogeyman wins it. That simple.
Cruiserweight Invitation for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship featuring Gregory Helms (c), Shannon Moore, Jamie Noble, Jimmy Yang Bang Gang, Davari, Scotty Too Hotty (is he still around?) and Funaki (ditto)
Simply put: a match that throws a bunch of guys with nothing better to do. I wanna see Helms lose the belt in this match (don’t know who would take it), because the sweet irony of the very match he won the title in last year being his downfall would be pretty logical and a neat little plotpoint, but WWE hasn’t been one for logic or neat plotpoints. I mean, come on. They release a novel about WWE superstars being black ops government agents and anyone who isn’t a wrestling personality doesn’t recognize them… but I digress.
Winner: Helms retains the title.
Diva Open Invitational competition featuring… oh geez, as if I give a rat’s ass about the Divas? I couldn’t even be bothered to care when I was nice and healthy. I sure as hell don’t care about them when I’m sick.
Winner: Nobody.
Kane vs. King Booker
A quick match and win for Kane. Sorry, Booker.
Winner: Kane wins it.
ECW World Title Match
Bobby Lashley (c) vs. Ken Kennedy
So not only do we have Cena infecting the Smackdown PPV, but we also have the man fans are referring to as “Black Lesnar”. You might as well add “Black Cena” to the list, because like a Cena match, it’s pretty obvious who’s walking out of the match the winner. Sorry, Mr. Kennedy… Kennedy.
Winner: Lashley retains.
WWE Tag-Team Titles Match
London & Kendrick (c) vs. Deuce & Domino
The champs retain… based on the fact that they have a Playboy-bound Diva as their manager and they need to make her look good.
Winner: London & Kendrick retain.
Chris Benoit and The Hardys vs. Montel Vontavious Porter and MNM
You’ve got Benoit, you’ve got the Hardyz, you’ve got MNM, and then you have Porter. Everything you’d ever want in a wrestling match is here: a good technical wrestling aspect, high-flying hijinx, and the wannabe Power Ranger.
Winner: Benoit’s team wins the match.
World Champ Batista & The Undertaker vs. WWE Champ John Cena & Shawn Michaels
Rather than go into a dialogue, I’ll just flip for it…
Winner: Tails (Batista and Taker) wins it.
That’s it. I’m done. I’m off to bed.
dtm666 