Spanning five or six posts, I wrote quick comments on matches and the Rumble as they occurred. Kept for prosperity.
Opening Bout: The Hardyz beat MNM in a typical match of theirs. Solid stuff, but nothing we haven’t seen before.
ECW World Champ Bobby Lashley beat Test via countout, a true copout ending that further buries Test.
World champ Batista beat Mr. Kennedy in a surprisingly good match.
WWE champ John Cena beat Umaga… anyone who is surprised by this should stop watching Raw.
Now it’s time for the Rumble.
Ric Flair enters #1.
Finlay enters #2.
I guess they want to get rid of the old folks first. Solid wrestling between two veterans
Kenny Dystra enters at #3.
Nice, solid fight here. Nothing special.
Mattitude Matt Hardy enters at #4.
Edge enters at #5.
So we now have two former World champs, one of them apparently looking for a dialysis machine… oh wait, Flair’s got a chair.
Ops Flair is out by Dystra.
Dystra is out by Edge… fucking moron.
Tommy Dreamer enters at #6… no fucking chance at winning this thing, but at least he’s got an ECW chant out of it.
Dead right now.
Sabu enters at #7… another guy with no chance of winning. Wait, Sabu’s getting a table… What the fuck for?
Sabu and Dreamer fight for a bit before Sabu turns to kicking Hardy’s ass. Short Sabu chant happens.
Gregory Helms enter at #8… he fights Hardy… oops, Finlay saves his ass from being eliminated by Sabu. Lots of near-eliminations here.
Hey look, ECW is still in the match. Surprise right there.
Coming in at #9, it’s Shelton Benjamin… a veteran of lasting a few minutes in the rumble before being eliminated. Hey, look! Hardy saves himself again. That guy is so fucking lucking he’s still around.
Kane comes in at #10, his ninth consecutive Rumble. Whoo-hoo. He chokeslams everyone.
Tommy Dreamer’s killed by Kane. Almost got Sabu… wait a minute, spoke too soon. Sabu’s gone through a table he set up outside. Serves him right. Goes to show how much of an idiot Sabu is.
Next up at #11, it’s CM Punk. Won’t last long either.
CM Punk got a chant (and almost eliminated, but that’s okay).
King Booker comes in at #12… wisely forgoes the annoying “Hail King Booker” chants. JBL going into a tangent.
Oops, there goes Gregory Helms. Oh well, least he’s got his Cruiserweight Title.
Super Crazy enters at #13. Announcers make many puns about his name. Super Idiot? Come on, Bradshaw. You know better than that!
Coming at #14 is… the other Hardy fuck. He goes after Finlay (who’s #2), thus making Hardy the most intelligent man in the Rumble thus far.
Hardyz kicking Edge’s ass. Kicking Super Stupido’s ass. Trying to kick Kane’s ass but fail miserably.
Entry #15 is ECW’s drunken bastard… the Sandman!
Only his second beer, Cole?
Sandman canes the shit out of everyone… and gets eliminated by Booker T… oh well… see ya, Sandy.
Next up at #16… Randy Orton. RKO eliminates Stupido Crazy. Yay.
Jeff Hardy gone.
Matt Hardy gone.
No one gives a shit. Let’s move on.
Entering at #17… Chris Benoit. No love for his brother Mike Benoit … what brother Mike Benoit? Well, you see… ah, never mind.
RVD is #18… no chance of lasting long.
There goes Booker T.
Booker T gets back in and eliminates Kane.
At #19… oh man, here comes that fat ass Viscera…
#20 is Johnny Nitro… goes after RVD. Viscera farts on CM Punk. More focus on RKO. Shelton almost got outed.
#21 is Kevin Thorne… formerly known as Mordecai. Nobody seems to give a shit either way.
Lots of close eliminations. Finlay is still in there.
Coming in at #22, it’s Hardcore Sparky Plug Holly. Nobody besides WWE gives a shit about him either.
Next at #23, it’s… Shawn Michaels… Killing Finlay.
500 people killed Viscera.
Shelton’s gone.
Let the bodies hit the… fuck it.
Sucker #24 is Chris Masters… the Steroid Piece. Chris Masters has about as much chance of winning the match as I do of getting a penis mightier. Not gonna happen.
There goes Johnny Nitrogen. Fuck him.
Here comes #25… It’s Chavito… after the Eddie exploitation he’s been involved with of his own free will, I hope he doesn’t last long.
There goes the vampire Thorne. Nobody gives a shit.
At #26, it’s the Power Ranger… er, I mean, Mortimer Vontasuckus Pottihole. Who cares?
Chris Masters is gone… nobody gives a rat’s ass anyway.
Lucky 27 is the afro-freak Carlito. Another guy with no chance of winning.
HBK almost got outed by RVD. HBK’s in trouble. All these guys suck.
#28… Giant Gonzales, I mean, Great Khalipileofshit.
Lots of headbutts. Oh God. Somebody shoot this guy.
Sparky Plugg is gone.
Miz is #29… and is gone.
So’s RVD.
So’s CM Punk.
So’s Carlito… wait… ueah
So’s Chavito.
The last idiot in there is Undertaker.
There goes the Khalishit.
Now Taker beats the shit out of everyone.
There goes MVPiss.
RKO beats on Taker.
Vice-versa.
RKO is gone.
It’s down to Shawn and Taker.
Old-school match.
Old farts fight.
Shawn’s got him
No… Taker’s got him.
Holy crap. This is getting good.
Shawn’s gone.
Taker wins.
Oh well…
All in all, a good solid card.
Oh look, he’s got pyro.
My thoughts on the Rumble: a fairly solid show with only one shitty match and a bunch of decent to good matches. The Cena/Umaga match was entertaining, which is hard for me to admit because I hate Cena with a passion. The Rumble match itself was actually pretty good and a bit surprising because there was no clear-cut favorite to win it unlike years before. I personally think Shawn should have won it, but on the other hand, Taker taking it isn’t that bad either and it’s something he’s never won before, so that’s cool.
dtm666 