The following PPV Predictions report is brought to you by: CATCH WWE SUPERSTAR JOHN CENA IN THE NEW WWE FILM MOTION PICTURE RELEASE THE MARINE! IT’S THE HOTTEST THING AMONG WWE FANS!!! IN THEATRES NOW!
Ahem. Now that that’s over with.
Now updated with results…
For today, I thought I do something different and give my predictions for a TNA PPV for a change. As most know, TNA is holding their annual Bound For Glory PPV tonight. The show is significant because it’s their first PPV outside of Florida and is the proving ground as to whether TNA will float outside of their free-loading fans in terms of PPVs, because they did do a couple house shows and they were well received.
It’s also significant because it features the TNA PPV debut of one Kurt Angle. Angle, as most know, was “fired” from WWE due to health issues, but rather than lay low, he jumped to the competition. This will also be a proving ground to see if Angle’s signing will have any major impact on TNA’s success or if he’s just more wasted money like Sting was. But let’s not jump the gun; tonight’s show looks decent enough. Let’s hope they deliver the goods.
Now I said this would be something different and it is: since I don’t follow the TNA product significantly enough (haven’t done so since the weekly PPV era because I don’t have access to Spike TV, although I do check out the recaps every chance I get), my predictions will be relegated to mere one-liners and who wins. It’s not the most detailed or rant-induced reports you’ll read (then again, when are they ever?), but it gets the job done. So here we go.
One thing I can predict with absolutely is that you won’t be able to CATCH WWE SUPERSTAR JOHN CENA IN THE NEW WWE FILM MOTION PICTURE RELEASE THE MARINE! IT’S THE HOTTEST THING AMONG WWE FANS!!! IN THEATRES NOW!
None of that on this PPV. Thank God.
OK! Here we go:
Four Corners Tag Match
America’s Most Wanted vs. the James Gang vs. Team 3D vs. the Naturals
And here we have a match that basically says “We have no frickin’ clue what to do with these other guys so let’s just put them in a huge match. That’ll give ’em something to do.” What’s the point of these four corner tag matches? Nothing.
My pick: The toilet in my bathroom.
Winner: Team 3D won… but I didn’t pick a winner, so 0-0.
Kevin Nash Open Invitational X Division Gauntlet Battle Royal
I’ve seen the press conference and it was the single most important press conference in the history of our sport and in the history of alcohol. Therefore, given the impressive array of talent involved in this battle royale, I predict that I WILL WIN THE BATTLE ROYAL! Because there’s no limit.
My pick: Nobody, because this thing is ridiculous.
Winner: Austin Aries Starr won the thing… still 0-0.
Loser Gets Fired
Eric Young vs. Larry Zbyszko
Whatever you do, don’t fire Eric. Because he’s younger, more athletic, and in the long run, more of an investment than the over-the-top, useless former AWA champion.
My pick: Eric Young
Winner: Eric Young wins (1-0)
Monster’s Ball
Special Guest Referee Jake Roberts
Abyss vs. Brother Runt vs. Raven vs. Samoa Joe
Oh look. Jake Robert’s on a PPV. This should be interesting. The card is already boasting a return to WCW in the year 2000. Maybe we’ll get a Heroes of Wrestling Revisited moment… the less said about that, the better.
My pick: Samoa Joe
Winner: Samoa Joe (2-0)
Detroit 8 Mile Street Fight
Christian Cage vs. Rhino
Rumor has it that Eminem might be the special enforcer for this match. That rumor can kiss my foam-rubber ass.
My pick: Rhino
Winner: Christian Cage, surprisingly enough. And also, no Eminem… which is good because that would have bankrupted TNA. (2-1)
TNA X-Division Title
Senshi (c) vs. Chris Sabin
Well, technically, Sabin is a good wrestler, but I know that he wouldn’t be able to handle such combination attacks such as Moon Twilight Eclipse or Jupiter Thunderbolt deluxe…
Oh wait, Senshi’s just Low-Ki with a new name. In that case, the answer’s rather obvious… wait, no it isn’t. Okay, I’ll just pick one at random.
My pick: Lowki Senshi.
Winner: Chris Sabin. (2-2)
NWA Tag Team Titles
Six Sides of Steel
AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels (c) vs. LAX
Ex-Lax? Is that what that is? Don’t know shit about LAX, but the other two guys are good high-flyers in their own right and should be competitng for World titles instead of cookie-cutter matches such as this.
My pick: LAX
Winner: LAX wins (3-2)
NWA World Heavyweight Title w/Kurt Angle as special enforcer
Title vs. Career
Jeff Jarrett (c) vs. Sting
Oi vey. It’s WCW all over again. Now all we need is Vince Russo back in the helm and it’ll be just like the turn of the millennium. God, I love that mix!
My pick: Jeff Jarrett
Winner: Sting wins… and with a slightly new look or something. (3-3)
And that’s it for now. Remember kids, you can CATCH WWE SUPERSTAR JOHN CENA IN THE NEW WWE FILM MOTION PICTURE RELEASE THE MARINE! IT’S THE HOTTEST THING AMONG WWE FANS!!! IN THEATRES NOW!
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