I have a dilemma. It involves professional wrestling, which is slowly turning itself into sports-entertainment. Unfortunately, sports-entertainment, for all intents and purposes, sucks and it affects the wrestling aspect of it.
Last week, I caught a video of the Christian Cage/Jeff Jarrett NWA title match from the TNA pay-per-view which aired a while back. Yeah, the constant interferences didn’t help much, but I still got a good, enjoyable match, not only because it was a different taste from the stale product that is McWrestling, but because the right guy won. Kudos to Christian for not only winning his first World title, but for also proving to all the naysayers that his jump to TNA was for the better and hopefully, it will entice other WWE talents to jump over and get to showcase their true talents.
But this isn’t about TNA. It’s about WWE. Specifically, we’re here for the PPV. As I write this, the show is a half-hour away from starting and I’ve built up enough energy to actually comment on some of these match-ups as opposed to the half-assed commentary prevalent in the last few of these predictions. So let’s fire up this sucker, shall we?
(Oh yeah, added results too.)
JBL vs. Bobby Lashley
Lashley is going to win this one because he’s the current Goldberg/Brock Lesnar/Ahmed Johnson ripoff WWE feels like pushing on an unbeatable streak. Suddenly, I feel bad for John Layfield. I’ve ragged on him that he wasn’t a deserving World champion, but at least he had some decent challengers… AND he was winning and defying the odds. He’s hit his peak and now has no where else to go but down the shitter. Because let’s face it, no one survives an encounter with the Boogeyman.
MY PICK: Lashley
WINNER: JBL.
TALLY: 0 – 1
COMMENTS: And so Lashley’s undefeated streak is over thanks to the returning Fit Finlay. I’d be impressed if the move hadn’t felt so useless.
WWE Cruiserweight Title Match
Gregory Helms (c) vs. Funaki vs. Paul London vs. Kid Kash vs. Psicosis vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Super Crazy vs. Nunzio
Wow. Gregory Helms versus the World. For the Cruiserweight title. The odds certainly are overwhelming, but I see the former Hurricane coming out of this with the title intact. You’d have to be a fucking moron to take the belt off the guy after a few weeks and thus destroying the credibility of the title holder and the championship.
Oh right… I forgot about Edge.
MY PICK: Gregory Helms
WINNER: Gregory Helms
TALLY: 1 – 1
COMMENTS: No comment.
WWE Tag-Team Champs MNM vs. Matt Hardy and a Partner of His Choice
Matt Hardy was happy with his decision to return to WWE and be a lower mid-card player with nothing to do but be a tag-team partner to the out-of-shape Road Warrior Animal (who is currently everyone and their pet monkey’s best guess for a mystery partner). Oh yeah, I pretty sure Christian is miserable in TNA right now since he’s, like, THE WORLD CHAMPION and all that. Let’s not discuss Matt’s decisions.
MY PICK: MNM
WINNER: Matt Hardy and Tatanka
TALLY: 1 – 2
COMMENTS: Well, at least it’s not Animal. But that’s like say you’d prefer a shot to the head as opposed to a shot to the balls. Tatanka… back on PPV? I smell some native dung at work here. But I digress.
WWE United States Heavyweight Title Match
Booker T (c) vs. Chris Benoit
The difference between the Benoit/Booker war in WCW and the Benoit/Booker war right now is that the WCW feud was at least mildly entertaining… okay, they were good stuff. This seems like crap, mostly probably because they’re older and shit. Let it end and have these guys move on… PLEASE!
MY PICK: Chris Benoit
WINNER: Chris Benoit
TALLY: 2 – 2
COMMENTS: Is this feud over? We’ll have to see.
#1 Contendership Match
Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio
What’s the point of awarding a guaranteed title shot at Wrestlemania to the Royal Rymble winner if the contendership is going to be decided in a throwaway match? Is the decision-making process so retarded these days that they’d have to not drag the name of a respected wrestler in the mud further, but also destroy the prestige and worthwhile of a contest such as the Royal Rumble. What’s the point?
MY PICK: Randy Orton
WINNER: Randy Orton
TALLY: 3 – 2
COMMENTS: Utter predictability at work here. I’m told the match wasn’t all that great, but even a 10-star classic would have been hampered by the obvious ending. Just as you knew HHH would be facing Cena, you knew Randy would win this match. And they did nothing to deviate from that.
World Heavyweight Title Bout
Kurt Angle (c) vs. Undertaker
Angle will win. Any other result is simply unacceptable.
MY PICK: Kurt Angle
WINNER: Kurt Angle
TALLY: 4 – 2
COMMENTS: Yes, folks. Angle won the match.
PRE-SHOW COMMENTS
If a majority of picks happen to come true, it proves that the product has become stale, boring, and lacking direction. You don’t need the Internet Wrestling Community and dirtsheets to see where these storylines are headed… they’re really that predictable. Unfortunately, WWE isn’t looking to do anything different than the same crap they’ve been pulling for the past few years.
POST-SHOW COMMENTS
Other than a couple of “swerves” for nothing matches, the show has been utterly and horrificably predictable, proving Christian Cage’s addage of the company being old, boring, and lacking direction. Actually, the company does have direction; it’s just a direction nobody cares to go to but are too afraid to speak out by tuning out. The truly sad thing about this is that the PPV could be crap and it’ll still make its money, because some people will watch just about anything. Judging from various reports, the show wasn’t all that great. Now I haven’t watched the show and no doubt some jackass will shoot me a stupid comment about not commenting on something I haven’t seen, but you know what? If the weekly shows haven’t done ANYTHING to make the PPV worthwhile enough to have me spend money on it, it’s not doing a good job.
And oh yeah, most of the time, I’ve tuned out. But I still have hope somewhere that the company will produce something memorable, but there’s nothing there on the build to Wrestlemania.
But that’s another story in itself.
Later, kids.
dtm666 