So yeah, there’s a WWE PPV coming up and once again, it means I’ll be laying down some match predictions to the approval of no one. (As well as the bone-crushing results that follow).
William Regal & Paul Birchall vs. Bobby Lashley
Poor Regal – went from being WWF Commissioner to glorified jobber to the potential star who’ll outlive his glory in about a couple weeks. I am hardly impressed with what Lashley brings to the table and giving him the Goldberg-esque push is hardly doing me any favors. Two bold predictions: Lashley wins and the match blows. There, I’ve said it.
RESULT: As predicted, Lashley won. From what I’ve heard, the match wasn’t all too great… so let’s count it 1-0.
Matt Hardy vs. JBL
Matt Hardy will not die… but he will job to JBL. Simple and effective.
RESULT: JBL wins. 2-0.
MNM vs. The Mexicools (Psicosis & Super Crazy)
This was supposed to be a tag-title bout, but the switch to make the SD/RAW match a champion-versus-champion affair turned this into a second-string nothing match. So my pick: who cares? Let’s give it to the Mexican jumping beans.
RESULT: M&Ms win the match. 2-1. Dat’s not cool!
Cruiserweight Championship
Cruiserweight Champion Juvi vs. Kid Kash
Another simple prediction: Kash.
RESULT: New champ Kash. 3-1
Best of Seven for United States Championship
Booker T vs. Chris Benoit
Booker T currently leads the series 3-0. Putting aside the rumor that Benoit might be gone after this match, I see Booker T winning the match and the championship. Might as well end it; this series has been a one-sided joke and a parody of the original series from WCW when they were able to produce great matches together. Not that the matches here are bad, but there was something… lacking.
RESULT: Benoit wins the match, FINALLY getting the frickin’ win for once. 3-2.
Smackdown VS RAW – Champions vs. Champions
World Heavyweight Champion Batista & Rey Mysterio vs. World Tag Team Champions Big Show & Kane
As if you needed more marquee added, Batista and Mysterio were made tag-team champs on Smackdown. So now this has been made a Champion versus Champion affair to cleverly cover up the fact that this match means nothing. What’s the motivation behind this match? There is none: it’s just to give RAW a chance to get one over the dominant Smackdown brand, which had several victories over the Monday night institution. Having just rambled all that, I’d say that Batista and Mysterio grab this one.
RESULT: The Big Slow and the Big Red Retard won the bloody match. That’s exactly what we needed; devaluing Smackdown’s tag-team titles further than they already are. 3-3
Hell in a Cell
Randy Orton vs. Undertaker
WWE programming has been hyping the Hell-in-a-Cell (essentially an oversized steel cage with a roof that surrounds the ring area, for those who don’t know) as an Undertaker specialty match. Well, let’s look at the ‘Taker’s HITC matches:
HITC match versus Shawn Michaels: Loss
HITC match versus Mankind: Win
HITC match versus Big Bossman: Win
HITC match vs. Kurt Angle, Rikishi, HHH, Rock, Austin: Loss
HITC match versus Brock Lesnar: Loss
Face it: despite WWE’s attempts to push HITC as a ‘Taker specialty, he’s actually three out of the five major bouts he’s been in. In fact, if anyone deserves to lay claim to HITC as a specialty match, it’s he of the three H’s, since he actually won more than he lost. So facing this set of circumstances, my pick will be he of the RKO. Yes, the argument could laid that poor Randy Orton has never been in an HITC match before… but then again, neither has Brock Lesnar and he did pretty good.
RESULT: ‘Taker wins. Blasted old man. 3-4
So that’s it… I’m going to enjoy a nice tall glass of milk, eat some chocolate chip cookies, and maybe I’ll take three Viagra…
Later…
dtm666 