Quick note: I’ll post my results for the debut episode of Friday Smackdown on the site Monday, as well as a couple of other things.
So tomorrow’s another crappy PPV from World Wrestling Entertainment… I shouldn’t be negative; I’m sure Unforgiven will be a great card with lots of good in-ring action and… I shouldn’t kiss ass either, so let’s get this done.
For those who don’t know how this works, it’s simple: I predict who wins what announced matches. After the event has come and pass us over, I post the results and my own witty comments on the website. Nothing necessarily amazing, but we’ll see.
So let’s begin:
Shelton Benjamin vs. Kerwin White
Okay, right off the bat… I hate Kerwin White. I don’t know what Chavo Guerrero was smoking when he accepted this new gimmick, but it is absolute drivel. “Middle-class White American” versus Good Ol’ Colored Kid? What the hell is this shit? I thought we were past these basic insults to our intelligence. Okay, so let me make a really simple prediction as to who wins… NOBODY! We all lose because the story behind this match is stupid.
As for a REAL pick… I’ll go with Chavo… er, I mean, Kerwin. What a stupid gimmick.
RESULT: Shelton (0-1)
Victoria & Torrie Wilson vs. Trish Stratus & Ashley Mascara… or was it Masorrow DeWitt? Who cares?
I predict the bathroom break you’ll be taking will last less time than this match. No chance of beating Chris Benoit’s 22.5 second record.
I mean, seriously, why do we still have women’s matches these days anyway? Other than Trish and Victoria (and Lita to a certain extent), the women’s division is devoid of actual GOOD competitors. Or even women who remotely know how to wrestle instead of the crappy diva style we all have to sit through. Even a few years back, the division was flourishing (which isn’t saying much) compared to the crap we have to sit through today.
I’m taking a bathroom break on this one and probably an extra long crap. Winner of the match? Me for skipping.
RESULT: Well, I did skip the match, so there’s your (1-1). But for those who actually care about results, Trish and Ashley got the win.
Big Show vs. Gene Snitsky
Top of my mind? Show? Or maybe I’ll be taking that extra long crap during this match.
-_-
Is Enterprise still on?
RESULT: Fucking Big Show wins… I miss Enterprise… no score update.
Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Masters
This is a total debacle! It’s pandemonium in the ring! It’s another victory for the Masterpiece. Another nimrod I don’t care for.
RESULT: Shawn wins (2-1)
Edge vs. Matt Hardy – Steel Cage Match
Hardy. Next.
RESULT: Matt Hardy wins (3-1)
The Hurricane & Rosey vs. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch for the (Eric Bischoff’s RAW) World Tag Team Titles
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No! It’s a World Tag Team Title Bout on Pay-Per-View! Will wonders never cease?! Er, sorry. I’ll go ahead and pick Cade and Murdoch, because we need new tag champs and we need to remind people that… yes, there is still such a thing as tag team championships on Eric Bischoff’s RAW.
RESULT: Cade and Murdoch wins. (4-1)
Carlito vs. Ric Flair for the (Eric Bischoff’s RAW) Intercontinental championship
Heh, I’ve got nothing to lose. It’s about time Ric Flair got something deserving of being nothing more than an ass-kisser these past few years. Forget World title no. 17, but Intercontinental champ Ric Flair sounds about right. Sorry, Carlito, but your future ain’t lookin’ cool, mang.
RESULT: Ric Flair wins title. (5-1)
John Cena vs. Kurt Angle for the WWE (Eric Bischoff’s RAW) Heavyweight Championship
So we sorta come full circle with this match. For the uninformed, misinformed, or just plain stupid people out there, John Cena’s first match as a member of the WWE family was against Kurt Angle. And now, some odd years later, these two face each other again for the top championship. Funny how these things work out, right?
Here’s the thing. I don’t see Kurt Angle walking out of this match with gold because it’s a minor-level PPV. On the other hand, I don’t see John Cena getting the big win because they have to keep Angle going strong for their supposed rematch at Taboo Tuesday coming soon. So this would probably end in a no-contest and Angle gets the strap either on Tuesday or maybe Survivor Series.
Either way, whether it happens here or somewhere else, it’s time to end the Cena reign. Angle’s the man and his time is now.
-_-
Okay, that line sucked, but it’s past midnight and I’m tired, so I’ll just end this now.
RESULT: Also, Cena wins. Fuck. (5-2)
Enjoy the PPV, everybody.
dtm666 