Enterprise is getting cancelled. Bring back Kirk! Kirk will save the ratings! F*ck continuity if it means bringing Kirk to Enterprise!
Sounds familiar? Talk like this is brought every time a thread on the Trekweb Message Boards concerning ways to fix Enterprise is made. Since I’m not a member of the boards (I just read the articles), I can’t post, which is a good thing, because this is what I’d say…
GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it’s just a TV show! I mean, look at you, look at the way you’re dressed! You’ve turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME! There’s a whole world out there! When I was your age, I didn’t watch television! I LIVED! So… move out of your parent’s basements! And get your own apartments and GROW THE HELL UP! I mean, it’s just a TV show dammit, IT’S JUST A TV SHOW!
Are you saying we should try and BRING BACK SPOCK?!
NO!!! THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M SAYING AT ALL!!! HEY, YOU GUYS ARE… THE LAMEST BUNCH… I’VE NEVER SEEN… [ walks away from podium ] I can’t believe these people… I mean, I really can’t understand what’s….
By the way, that WASN’T a recreation of “Evil Captain Kirk.” That was a rip of Bill Shatner’s SNL skit… and it bears relevance.
If you haven’t heard by now, Star Trek: Enterprise’s fourth season is now officially its last, as UPN had decided not to renewed the show for a fifth season, thus ending the glut of fresh, new Star Trek television episodes after seventeen years and eight months worth of hour-long episodes spanning four spin-off television series.
While I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see this coming several parsecs away, I’d also be lying if I said I’m glad to see it go. Let’s face it; the first couple of seasons were mostly Voyager Mark-2 (with a couple of good episodes) and the Xindi Arc which dominated the third season did spice things up but failed to keep me remotely interested until the last few episodes… but I can’t say they were as bad as before, because a couple of them are pretty good even if they didn’t contribute much to the overall plotline.
So now we have this fourth season and despite improved storylines told within the span of two or three episodes, UPN saw fit to give the show the axe. I’d really want to blame this on shoddy storytelling dating back to ENT’s introduction, but I can’t. I could try and depict similarities between ENT’s cancellation and original Trek’s cancellation, seeing as both had first-aired shows on Friday nights which are often considered the death knell, but I can’t. Instead, the blame must be placed on UPN for wanting to change their programming direction to show really dumb sitcoms that are about as funny as sleeping… which is not funny at all.
All is not lost, of course! Unlike the Trekkies of 1969, we don’t have to worry about a shortage of new Star Trek tales. There’s a shitload of DVDs, comic books, movies, novels, video games, board games, role playing games, fanfilms, fanseries, fanfiction, online comic strips, parodies, and the two Trekkies documentaries to savour. Star Trek still lives! And then there’s THE FINAL EPISODE OF STAR WARS!
So all you geeks out there better start planning on getting lives soon… or start worshipping the new Battlestar Galactica series. Or stick with the two Stargates series. Or even Andromeda… on second thought, forget Andromeda. But you see?! There’s a glut of sci-fi series and other related stuff that is waiting to be discovered and rediscovered! IT’S NOT ALL THAT BAD!
So I’ll take the time to say thanks in advance to the cast, crew, writers, producers, directors, and all the other people who have made ENT possible for the past four years of crap, Xindis, alien Nazis, Arik Soong, turning your plastic Vulcans into real Vulcans, Romulans, Ridge Problems, and the original bridge of the original Constitution-Class starship Defiant. And also in advance, I’ll also take the time to give a hearty ‘Fuck You’ to the United Paramount Network for not only cancelling the last interesting show on your network, but for also considering cancelling WWE Smackdown when the contract is up next year… morons.
And so, to add a bit of levity, I offer this quote from late night host Conan O’Brien:
“Paramount announced it is cancelling STAR TREK: ENTERPRISE, and fans are planning to protest outside the studio. Yeah, it’s on Saturday night because no one has plans.”
After a lackluster week, I really needed that. Thanks, Conan. You’ve given me reason to dwell back to my Best of Triumph DVD for the weekend.
Later.
dtm666 