A recent posting at Rangerboard (or is it Rangerborad? Who knows?) had someone deduce that the Asian tsunamis, earthquakes, and all-around shitty weather in certain parts of the world is Mother Nature’s way of puking because the Earth is sick. Well, dude, Earth has been sick for a very long time; natural disasters happen as often as they can. Trying to make the world a better place isn’t going to stop that.
While there has been some intelligent responses, leave it to one of the moderators to put in a stupid response by reciting this clever peace… er, piece from a familiar:
Wow, you’re a genius. Give this person a No-Prize!!
Gaia (or Gaea or Terra or whatever), the spirit of the Earth, can no longer stand the terrible destruction plauging our planet.
So what does she do about it? Show her hidden rage? Wipe out the human race? Send a hidden signal to the Martians that are hiding so they can invade our world and we’ll simply kill them with some yoodling?
Of course not, silly mortal! She sends five magic rings, to five special young people.
From Africa, Kwame, with the power of EARTH
Why Earth? Because he loves trees. Of course, it could help that he was voiced by Geordi LaForge, who convenienty recited the opening narration of the early TV episodes of… you know what show this is, but I won’t say anything until we reach the end.
From North America *cough* USA *cough* , Wheeler, with the power of FIRE
Why Fire? ‘Cause he’s a red-headed AMERICAN DAMMIT!
From Eastern Europe, Linka, with the power of WIND.
Why Wind? ‘Cause they already gave the good elements to the African and the American. ‘Cause she’s Russian. ‘Cause she’s blonde. ‘Cause she’s a girl. ‘Cause… I’m just filling up space.
From Asia, Gi, with the power of WATER.
Why Water? ‘Cause they already gave the good elements to the African and the American and because it is foretold that such a pairing is ironic at best.
And from South America, Ma Ti, with the power of HEART.
Why Heart? ‘Cause he’s an Indian boy! And they ran out of elements to give away, so they give him the ability to control animal minds and have them do whatever he pleases.
Think about this; this boy is part of a planet-saving corps, promoting the saving of our world and going against things that would harm it and its wildlife, with the ability to have said wildlife do his bidding. Now if that isn’t animal cruelty, then I don’t know what is.
Okay, having seen the cartoon in my youth, I could never understand what kind of element Heart is. Heart is simply a nicer way of saying MIND CONTROL OVER ANIMALS, but that wouldn’t go over well with the kiddies. Also, if these kids are from different parts of the globe, HOW COME THEY CAN ALL SPEAK PERFECT ENGLISH?! ISN’T THAT A LITTLE TOO CONVENIENT?!!
When the five combine their powers they summon Earth’s greatest champion…
SUPERMAN? SPIDER-MAN? GREEN LANTERN? THE POWER RANGERS?! SAILOR MOON?!!
No, silly.
CAPTAIN PLANET.
Oh, yeah… I forgot about him.
Unfortunately, Captain Planet doesn’t deal with natural disasters. He IS a natural disaster against the polluting forces of humanity. That’s why I suggested those other heroes.
In all seriousness, though, I’ve got nothing.
dtm666 