A new year falls upon us… okay, that could have been said seven days ago, but so what? The first Bite of 2003 is gonna be longer than the rest of the pack. In fact, it could very well be the longest piece I have written.
NOTE: This happens to be posted a day late, so any comments written in bold italics are last-minute additions.
Since we’re in the year 2003, I thought I should take a look back at the year that was 2002. As I type this, I mentally, as well as physically, smack myself in the head thinking this kind of thing should have been done on the last Bite, but so what?
Two things comes to mind in terms big changes on my interests. One of them was the WWF/WWE name change. Let’s face it: Vince McMahon has fought the federal government and won. Vince McMahon has fought Ted Turner and beat his ass, but when it came to the World Wildlife Fund and its mascot Panda, Vinnie couldn’t fight and win this battle. So he got the F out and changed the World Wrestling Federation to the debacle that is World Wrestling Entertainment… I don’t want to say that a simple name change has had an impact on the product, but the material as of late has been subpar. Even the botched Alliance angle that ran for the better part of 2001 was a worthwhile product and believe me, that isn’t saying much.
McMahon is out of touch with the WWE fan that watches his product. He is so desperate as to sign big names like Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair, as well as bring back past groups such as the nWo, but none of those were the solution. Hogan has problems with management, Flair isn’t doing much, and the “nWo poison” was counteracted before the needle even made contact. Their recent signee is Scott Steiner, and they are supposedly trying to get Bill Goldberg on board. The Rock and perhaps even Stone Cold Steve Austin may be making their own returns. Each might provide a short moment of high hopes, but then what?
The brand extension experiment seemed somewhat of a good idea at the time; divide the WWE roster into two groups, each with their own TV shows, house show tours, and even their own World titles. Recently however, it is not getting better. Smackdown, once a stable of decent WWE wrestling, has suffered due to undeserving pushes and all-around ridiculous angles. Raw was a show with poor booking and that politician Triple H, who shouldn’t be main-eventing anymore.
Perhaps I’m overstating a lot of nonsense here, so I’ll get straight to the point: If Vince McMahon wants to know what the WWE fan wants, here’s a response from one of them. A response from a guy who jumped on board the WWF bandwagon in 98 with Wrestlemania 14. A response from the guy who has various WWF shows and skits that far outweigh anything else, including his Power Rangers collection.
I want to watch wrestling. Not this sports-entertainment crap.
I don’t want stories told through necrophilia-laced skits. I don’t want big-boobed women who look pretty and then whine a lot with their scratchy voices. I don’t want gay wedding angles or an 80 year asshole marrying someone old enough to be his own daughter. I don’t want to see the same three guys feud for a worthless World title.
I want to see stories told in the ring, through in-ring action. I want to see some new faces in the spotlight, guys more entertaining and much more spectacular than the current main-event old farts infesting the upper palleon. I want to see matches that last anywhere about five minutes, not squash matches that are one-sided and tell me absolutely nothing.
This thing may have been cool five years ago, but it’s time to try something new. Attitude was something daring that no one ever thought possible (except Paul Heyman and his ECW garbage wrestlers). Now Attitude has washed off. It’s not a hip thing anymore. Try going old-school. Try going for marathon matches. Try coming up with new stars. They are the future of your company, not Scott Steiner. Not Bill Goldberg. Not Stone Cold Steve Austin. Not the Rock… and especially not Triple H.
By the way, that Posedown gimmick on RAW is examples of garbage the sports-entertainment aspect is producing these days.
Don’t get me started on Undertaker…
Considering the length of this subject alone, I should have made a whole article out of this little bit right here, similar to what I did with the long rant I did with my thoughts on the Chris Jericho’s Smark bash commentary… then again, I don’t feel like it now…
Another thing I will never get used to: the fact that Power Rangers is now owned by the Walt Disney company. I won’t be able to get over the fact that the next series, entitled Ninja Storm, will NOT be produced by MMPR Productions, but a new company located in New Zealand. I won’t be able to get over the fact that Saban’s name won’t appear on any Ranger logos from this point on.
My only perpetual fear is how the new creative minds will deal with Power Rangers. The old minds were skillful enough, so why split it apart? Why bring back a couple of guys from the shows’ early days and risk destroying what others have spent making good? Will it be as good or better… or will it suck royal ass? Only way to know is to watch the show… only thing I care about is if it’s better than Wild Force.
As for other minor things, well it’s not much. There was a heated battle of words on the PRC message boards that is well documented in one of the older Bite commentaries. Power Rangers Central (the big site) has been gone for quite sometime. (2018 Update: It was gone for a while as this was written, but it’s still around today, albeit a far cry from its 2003 incarnation.) The Rangerplex is dead. (2018 Update: It briefly came back as an online radio program; one of the earliest instances of streaming radio or podcasting, but with the death of “Sentai Rick” who ran the thing, the Rangerplex is now permanently dead.) I have discovered 411wrestling.com. (2018 Update: And then moved on to something else, but I digress.)
Okay. The year-in-review bit is over. Let’s get on to some recent happenings… in the world of sports entertainment.
Jim Ross has put up his last Ross Report. Reasons from JR are that he wants to focus on his other responsibilities and that he is getting heat from talent… yeah right, buddy. I know the real reason: you’ve won your first match the night before the night before Christmas and all of a sudden you’re too good to write Ross Reports. Next thing you know, the guy retires from being a on-screen commentator and starts to feud with Triple H over the World Title… oh well. There goes the only reason I ever visit WWE.Com!
Mind you, I will still visit WWE.com, mostly because of the hilarious Internet show featuring Kevin “I’m not good enough for TV anymore” Kelly and Dr. Tom “I’m not really a doctor, but I used to tag with Chris Candido” Prichard.
(2018 Update: Also, this entire commentary thus far has been extremely cringeworthy.)
Talking about reputable losers, some guy has been doing interviews posing as WWE refugee Shawn Stasiak, claiming that he would return to the company that he got fired from twice. The real Shawn Stasiak came on record saying that he had no intention to return to the company that he got fired from twice (no, he didn’t say the fired twice bit) and that he has other things on his mind… um okay, as much as I like to say something meaningful, I really don’t care much about Shawn Stasiak, especially since his Planet Stasiak propelled him to new heights of stupidity. Hey, at least I’m honest.
Of course now that I think about it, this is the kind of stupidity that still plays out in WWE, as the Al Wilson & Dawn Marie wedding skit on Smackdown will clearly tell you. I am really trying to enjoy Smackdown and trying to let it entertain me, but the fact of the matter is that Smackdown is supposed to have the decent wrestling; leave the god-awful angles and skits to RAW. Yeah, RAW has its share of bad angles, but at least I can expect that from Eric Bischoff’s RAW, not Smackdown, where only weeks ago the show had actual wrestling on its program… and some quality matches too. If this is the format that Smackdown will follow for the better part of 2003, then I don’t think I should bother with it and just stick with RAW or even catch NWA-TNA once in a while. Hell, I might even be bold and buy some tapes off the Internet! Yeesh…
Um… okay.
Outside of the walls of wrestling, the first human clone has been created. Yay, who needs religion?… [Lightning strikes the monitor and electrocutes the entire room. Fortunately, I survive.]
2003 is quite sucky because 2002 had to end on such a sad note. On the final day of 2002, it poured frozen rain and got to the point where everything was covered in ice! January 1st, 2003 – more ice. January 2nd, 2003 – more ice. January 3rd, 2003 – more ice. January 4th added snow, but underneath two pounds of snow? Yup, more ice.
Just a short while ago as I write this, it just snowed, but the ice either melted or broke down. So I don’t have to worry about slipping.
Just saw Lord of the Rings II this past weekend. More action in this one, kids. Makes me want to read the books. However, it doesn’t go as far as to make me want to run out and actually buy them.
Um… as it turns out, I went as far as to buy the boxed set, which contains the trilogy. I did not go as far as to start reading the book… yet.
Before I end this Bite, I want to get something off my chest.
I just downloaded Messenger. Now people can bug me right? Wrong. Messenger is on so I can keep track on my Hotmail. I’m not going to chat because every time someone wants to chat, it’s always when I’m in the middle of something.
One time, this anonymous character contacts me. My Messenger is set to away – it does that after five minutes of inactivity or when I’m not around for something. Apparently, this guy thinks I’m still typing around. Here is an approximation of what this is:
Dave, I know ur there. You think I’m stupid?
Let me clear something up for anyone interested in having a nice friendly chat: if my status is Away, it is because I AM away. If I wanted to ignore you, I’ll put a Busy status. Plain and simple. If I am near by and I see that you ask me if I think you’re stupid, here is a quick response for you: If you continue to bug me even though I’m not available, what do you think the answer is? If there is something you want to talk about, it’s called e-mail. You may want to try it sometime. My e-mail address is listed everywhere on this site and my Hotmail address is on the Beginnings page. If you’re going to sit there and wait for Away to go away, don’t expect a response. Messenger window pops up and keeps track of whatever you say. If you ask me if I think you’re stupid, don’t be surprised if I come out of isolation and say “Yes, Mr. Stupid.” Just because I have Messenger doesn’t mean you can bug me anytime.
Sorry if I have to rave on that. I’m not trying to be Mr. Meany nor am I trying to insult anyone’s intelligence. I do not claim to “all it” because I want a little privacy. Talking on Messenger is something that someone wants to do. If you’re trying to reach someone and he’s not there, don’t wait. If he is there but doesn’t feel like talking, respect his space as he would respect yours.
That’s it, kids. See you Friday.
Last minute: For the better part of the week, the site will undergo reconstruction… aka the site will be down. As a result, I have decided to keep the 2002 commentaries up until February. These commentaries will be made available in Bite Bible Volume 2, which will be near late-February.
That’s it… for real this time. See you Friday.
dtm666 