Hey folks, how’s it going? Yes, this is the second Bite commentary update of the week, right here on Friday The 13th… you know what that means? Superstition aside, you’re guaranteed bad luck for the rest of your life if you claim Jason X is the best of the Jason movies… quite frankly, I think Jason X is a series in itself and not particularly related to the “classic” Friday movies… on the other hand, Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday was pretty crappy as well.
Poor Kevin Kelly
Poor Kevin Kelly. Once upon a time, he was brought into the World Wrestling Federation as a “two-bit announcer guy.” Then he got promoted to hosting his own syndicated wrestling show and even got insulted by the Rock, which is a grand tradition that “elevated” Michael Cole from “two-bit guy with a microphone” to being Tazz’s announcing buddy on Smackdown! Unfortunately for Kevin, who has been around longer than Cole, he hasn’t been seen on TV these days. Instead, he’s stuck doing Internet shows with Tom Prichard and sucking up to movie producers by praising their latest crap de jour. Let’s be honest here. Anyone who actually the 2002 version of Rollerball is a great movie has serious problems… the guy isn’t getting the proper respect he deserves. The Coach got to host his own show, although he has to share the spotlight with D’Lo “Why am I not wrestling anymore” Brown. God, even Mark F’N Loyd, the new guy nobody cares about, is announcing his own show!… So, for you Kevin, I pay tribute with one of your classic works:
Rock: Kevin Kelly, let the Rock answer your question with a question of his own!
KK: Alright.
Rock: Are you mentally, as well as physically, prepared to tickle the anus of a monkey!
KK: Rock, why do you always-
Rock: Why do you ask the Rock stupid questions?! Why are you an ugly hermaphrodite nobody
knows, Kevin Kelly?
To this day, that question has never been answered… and will never be again…
(2024 Dave Says: This aged poorly… but then again, most of the old Rock stuff aged poorly… it’s funny, but it’s stuff that wouldn’t be said in 2024’s climate.)
Smackdown!
Um… okay.
Fox Box
Tomorrow begins the inaugural debut of the Fox Box… to celebrate this momentous occasion, I have decided to pay tribute to some of Fox Kids’ greatest decisions… if I could find any! Let’s hope that Fox Box will provide me with more entertaining moments that Fox Kids and Fox Kids Network ever did.
Kung Pow… Again
Let me say again… I’ve seen Kung Pow on PPV and laughed my ass off… at the most pathetic excuse of a dub job ever done. For the uninformed, Kung Pow is a “remix” of an old Kung-Fu movie called “Tiger and Crane Fists”. However, instead of a normal dub job, the movie digitally adds Ace Ventura 2 director Steve Oderkerk into the footage, overlapping the sap that use to be there with this guy, who was also responsible for that “Thumb Wars” thing. There are also stupid pyramids flying around and a scene where ol’ Steve fights a cow… although I will never admit it in public, this is some funny shit… Yeah, this from the guy who actually enjoys that television show with the color costumes. YOU KNOW WHICH ONE!
Bubble Boy
I’ve also recently seen Bubble Boy. Believe it or not, I actually enjoyed it. It’s not the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen, but it’s a cute little flick.
A Funny “Gay” Moment
Last night’s Smackdown was shocking… because Billy and Chuck indeed declared that they were straight and have nothing against gay guys. Okay, not really. However, Bischoff disguised as the old priest was a true shocker, especially since the spoilers said he was one of the women. I guess all that time as president of WCW paid off after all!
(I actually got around to re-watching this on YouTube recently and I gotta say that this was a genuinely enjoyable segment on Smackdown. For all the so-called snark levied towards Bischoff in his role as the pastor, it was indeed a masterful bit of acting on his part
A Not-So-Funny Moment
I managed to check out Green Lantern #154. It’s the one where GL’s gay friend was beaten up because of his sexual preference. It’s a good book and worth checking out. I may put up a full review tomorrow.
What The Hell Is Wrong With You People?!
At a recent WWE.com poll, a majority of people (by a small margin) voted that RAW’s “Hot Lesbian Action” segment went too far. Mind you, this is from the same group of people entertained by Lillian Garcia getting squashed by two fat guys… probably the same group of people that chant “We Want Puppies!” every chance they get… WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!
okay, that’s it. I’m too distressed to go on. Till next time
dtm666 