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DTM BLOG Classics #42 – Better Acting, 1 Year Older Pinky, and A Reminder

According to any wrestling news site worth reading, Vince McMahon has been talking about his wrestlers needing to be better actors. The idea is that WWE programming should have the same top-notch acting as a regular television show.

Only problem with this scenario is that wrestlers aren’t good actors… if they were, every film WWE has churned out would have been a success. Let’s be honest here – not everyone can Dwayne Johnson, who was the only wrestler to be a good actor… and look where he ended up. Maybe if the wrestler becomes a good actor, he might actually want to act in a better show…

Might want to reconsider that better actor thing, Vince. Aim a little lower… try convincing wrestlers they should be better than Santa With Muscles or Mr. Nanny, but not much farther than that and you’ll be OK.

Speaking of better acting, Pinkie turned 30 some time ago and so I offer belated birthday wishes.

Finally, I’d like to offer a friendly reminder to all those modern gaming console owners to head on over to their digital shop of choice and pick up 9… because 140,000+ clearly isn’t a big enough sales number. It is a nice throwback to the days when video games were awesome, except it’s made today and that’s fun.

First Impressions: The Force Unleashed (PS2)

So I recently picked up this game recently and only played it yesterday.

As of this writing, I made it up to the third level so far and then took a break from it. For the most part, the game is fairly enjoyable; it’s a simple hack-and-slash with force powers, the story seems fairly decent so far (though it’s supposed to get better later on) and the graphics are of decent quality despite the aging hardware.

However, there are issues. The Force targeting is a little wonky; sometimes I force-levitate an enemy as opposed to a piece of stray debris on the floor more often than not. Also, the camera seems too broken for my tastes, sometimes placing it in front of some huge set piece that blocks my view and thus I have no clue what the fuck is going on.

But other than those minor complaints, I’m liking this game so far.

TMNT on NES… Still A Good Game Despite Nerd Boy

I just ended an hour of TMNT on the NES, somehow managing to beat the game without dying despite the fact that I haven’t played the game in years… and I mean, really play the game, not just “play for a few minutes, relish in the old memories, and then off to the shelf you go.” This was a good ol’ romp through childhood lane.

Some minor thoughts while playing through this game:

– AVGN complained about the pizza in the building (in Area 01) and how it takes much effort to get there. The solution is pretty simple: you see the fucking pizza on the first screen… THE FIRST FUCKING SCREEN. If you actually believe fighting your way through enemies for a pizza is worth, go right ahead and get it, but don’t bitch to me when you do get it and leave the building with one red block left in your life meter.

– The “infamous” underwater level… I actually managed to make it through the whole level without switching turtles. Mind you, ol’ Raph nearly bit the bullet, but I found the level to be actually easier than I thought.

– Splinter tells you to get to the blimp so you can chase the helicopter, but I always wondered how they would find the helicopter after having gone through several extraniously difficult passages. More to the point, I’d like to know exactly how the Turtles uncovered the secret Foot camp (the fifth area).

– Somehow, I managed to find the Technodrome on the first shot. I guess I jumped the gun a bit, so allow me to explain. In the fifth are, you have to search three underground caverns for the Technodrome. Only one path leads you to the monstrous tank, while the other two paths are dead ends. Back in the day, the Technodrome would be found in the hardest of these paths, but today I just took the easiest path and boom – there it was… completely by accident.

– The final area… somehow I survived this area despite being ill-prepared for this. Actually, the flying white dudes didn’t seem as frustrating now as they did back in the day. Either I’m getting better or they’re getting sloppy… probably the latter.

– Scrolls are your friend. Embrace them and DON’T LOSE THEM!

All in all, an enjoyable experience nonetheless and a difficult game conquered. Overall, I still say that this is a good game, regardless of what the almighty NERD says…

Now TMNT2: The Arcade Game? That’s a Cowa-Fucking-Piece-Of-Dog-Shit. I’ll stick with the original arcade version on MAME or on the TMNT2: Battle Nexus game.

Thank you for reading. Good night.

…

The ending rocks too.

A Relic Comes Home (and also Castle Of Dragons)

So I found myself a classic Nintendo Entertainment System.

Well, a working one.

A front-loader. Classic model.

For the most part, it works without fail… mostly. The obvious connector issue is an issue, but it works better than my dearly departed system, which means I can play Castlevania III without fail… and that’s a good thing because that game needs a bit of love that my FC Twin cannot provide.

However, instead of playing that gloriously difficult game, I’m spending my time playing crap like The Last Starfighter and Platoon. Suddenly, I get the feeling as to why my last front-loader died the death it did… even though its last game being played was Kirby’s Adventure, which is not crap.

Speaking of not crap, I also snagged the original Contra in a shop downtown. Truth be told, there’s a lot of good games there, but the prices are just ridiculous. In any case, I got that, along with another game called Castle of Dragon… the less said about that game, the better, but at least it was real cheap.

In closing, I’d like to remind you folks that Mega Man 9 is out now and I do suggest you get it… because it deserves love.

Classic Bite Commentary #81 – September 23rd, 2008

Welcome to another Bite commentary. As you could probably tell, the commentary series is no longer THE BITE REBORN, but just THE BITE. Not a huge change, but what’s the point? It’s been around for a couple years now and yet it’s still reborn. So anyway, let’s get on with some quick shit.

Continue reading “Classic Bite Commentary #81 – September 23rd, 2008”

Jake Hangs His Snake Out His Pants

According to this article and the proceeding video (which you can check out here), Jake “The Snake” has gone bonkers after sipping a few drinks or twenty. Normally, I’d say that this is mildly funny and amusing, but after watching that vid, I almost find it sad that he’d turn out this way… maybe he should quit while he’s still… um, yeah.

And you know what the funny thing is? Apparently, this is the same guy who had posted a very detailed analysis of last week’s RAW on his MySpace blog. It absolutely boggles the mind on how he could have gone from fine-tuned commentaries on the net to hanging your dick out at a benefit wrestling event.

Just go away, Jake. As a favor to all of us and as a favor to yourself. You’ve done everything you could have ever done in the business, now it’s time to step aside before you become even more of a joke and embarrassment. We already have a joke of the industry walking God’s green Earth: his name is Hulk Hogan.

Splash has what now?

As some people may have noticed, the Rockman 9 OST has been released – brief snippets can be found on the net (it sounds good). Some scans of the booklet revealing the bosses have surfaced and naturally, the Japanese text was translated for us stupid North Americans. Nothing particularly special (although the new bosses look both awesome and weird at the same time), but then you read Splash Woman’s description, which goes something like this…

A robot who performs rescue work in situations such as sinking ships and people in oceans. Her special weapon is the Laser Trident. It fires a laser that has penetration ability.

Okay, so Splash Woman’s weapon has penetration abilities. Yes, that sounds just about right… yeah.

Um… right.

Very unsettling.

(2019 Update: The Laser Trident can penetrate shields, which makes it useful for enemies that have shields. It’s actually pretty useful despite its somewhat unfortunate descriptor.)

Another Uncommon Relic Claimed

Have managed to snag Tetris for NES. Not the widely-known Nintendo version, but the unlicenced Tengen version featuring two players and more Russian folk songs. Now supposedly unlicenced Tengen games aren’t supposed to work on the FC Twin (according to some sites here and there), but Tetris seems to work fine so far on mine.

In addition, I’ve also snagged WWF Wrestlemania Challenge for NES. This game was the sequel to the first NES Wrestlemania game and is generally a much better game overall, although I hate that you have to hold the D-Pad diagonally in order to move straight along… but I digress.

DTM BLOG Classics #41 – Unforgiven 2008 BEFORE and AFTER

(2019 Update: This compilation features two posts regarding WWE’s Unforgiven PPV, which featured three things of note; the end of CM Punk’s first World title reign without him ever doing the job, the debut of the “Championship Scramble” gimmick match that hurts my brain, and the sad realization that I didn’t really missed the PPV; I just skipped it. Oh well…)

BEFORE (September 6th, 2008)
For sixty minutes, fifteen men will compete in three matches. We’ll see if anyone cares for that amount of time. In any case… the Unforgiven PPV introduces WWE audiences to the Scramble match. The rules are… too headache-inducing for me to repeat, so I’ll just copy and paste them from WWE.com:

The rules for the Championship Scramble are simple: Two randomly selected ring warriors will start the match, with a new challenger stepping in every five minutes. If a man scores a pinfall or submission on any other in the match, he is declared the “interim” champion – though he will not be historically recognized as such. The title can change hands as many times as necessary throughout the bout, and the Superstar to earn the final pinfall or submission within the 20-minute time limit will be officially declared the Champion.

So did you get all that? Good, because I sure as hell didn’t. But that’s okay, because WWE is willing to push this type of match as something new and innovative instead of just time-filler to give a shitload of guys something to do for the PPV so hard that they’re giving you not ONE Scramble match… but NOT TWO Scramble matches… but THREE Scramble matches! All in one night! Unbelievable!

It’s like puking on a pile of shit in a puddle of piss.

So anyway, let’s just forget about the predictions because I honestly don’t give ten shits about HHH’s title match that he’s obviously going to win or the end of the CM Punk title reign or the continuation of Mark Henry’s charity title reign as well as the continued burial of Matt Hardy. I don’t particularly care for Dibiase/Rhodes retaining their titles against Cryme Tyme nor do I care about the Divas championship. You know what? Who gives a shit about all that?

Because in the end, it’s about one match.

Now yes, I’ll be the first to admit that I get a little pissy when two guys have been having matches on a monthly basis and it gets to a point where they should really move on… but truth be told, I’m digging this Chris Jericho/Shawn Michaels feud. It’s actually the only reason I tune in to RAW these days. It’s actually a genuinely good story filled with bitterness and what is sold as legitimate hatred between the two (but we all know these guys love each other). There hasn’t been a more compelling storyline in WWE in fucking years than what these guys are doing together.

So yeah, let these guys kill each other. They do such a great job at it and it makes us happy. Good enough that it could very well work outside of a wrestling environment (not recommended). Congrats to Chris and Shawn for a good show… keep up the good work.

So yeah, I was supposed to do predictions… maybe next time. I think I’ll sit back and enjoy the kick-ass feud… and cook some scrambled eggs.

G’night.

AFTER (September 8th, 2008)
For those who care, here are the results of the Unforgiven PPV from last night. No witty comments because I missed the PPV.

Matt Hardy wins the ECW Scramble to become ECW Champion.

Ted Dibiase/Cody Rhodes defeat Cryme Tyme to retain the Tag Titles.

Chris Jericho defeats Shawn Michaels when Shawn wouldn’t stop beating on Jericho.

Michelle McCool beats… random ho to retain the Butterfly Belt.

Triple H wins… again.

CM Punk… doesn’t even wrestle in the main event. Wow, that’s harsh. It’s bad enough he lost the title, but they don’t even let him compete on top of that. Bullshit.

So your new world champ is… replacement Chris Jericho.

Wow.

Must check out PPV.

BOOK REVIEW – Star Trek: Prime Directive (1990)

Prime Directive refers to Starfleet General Order One, the single most important directive that prohibits Starfleet officers from interfering in the natural evolution of a species, especially those of a lesser technological stage. Countless stories have been told throughout the forty-two years of Star Trek that tackles the Prime Directive in some form or other. Perhaps one of the strongest stories – if not THE strongest story – to explore the Prime Directive and the ramifications of its violation comes in the form of the eponymous 1990 novel from the husband-wife writing team of Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens.

Simply put, the U.S.S. Enterprise is charged with the observation of a pre-warp civilization, something goes horrifically wrong, and Captain Kirk is charged with violating the Prime Directive and forced out of the service. So now the book is all about Kirk and his crew trying to figure out what really happened and hopefully clear his name. Now, of course, by the time we reach the end of the book, the status quo will have been restored; this is a Star Trek novel that isn’t going to affect the canon in any way. So you’re left with the journey of how our main characters are going to resolve the situation that they were placed in.

Prime Directive is one of those classic Trek novels that still holds its weight and does a far better job of tackling the consequences of violating Starfleet’s most sacred law than any other form of Trek media to date. It is a book that introduces massive stakes, presents our heroes with a seemingly impossible situation, and the road to its resolution and the return to their usual roles is depicted with enough interesting twists and turns that won’t keep you second guessing, but it will keep you engaged. Most importantly, all the characters are true to their depictions. There’s never a moment where you won’t be going “That’s not how so-so is supposed to act.” When it comes to capture the voices and nuances of that original crew, the Reeves-Stevens have nailed those voices to a tee in most of their outings and this one is no exception.

There are seldom few Star Trek novels from the early days that I would go back and read over and over due to the strength of the material. Prime Directive ranks up there as one of the best. Well worth a read or twenty.