So it’s been roughly forty-six days since the last Bite commentary and rough forty-eight since being laid off due to economic issues. The job search continues at the moment, but I’ve been in somewhat better spirits than I was then. So for those wondering if this was leading to another breakdown, wonder no more. I don’t expect a breakdown to happen anytime soon. Different circumstances from the last time I had one; some would say more severe, but I don’t. It’s not a big deal overall.
To anyone who thinks I’m angry or upset about the circumstances, I just want to say this loud and clear. I’ve got no ill will towards the company and despite the rather abrupt way that I’ve been let go, I tend to see my three and a half years there as the best time of my life. And for what it’s worth, I’m still on relatively good terms with the company. In fact, I did stop by to pick up a printing job that needed to be done for a friend of my brother and I never thought of taking the job elsewhere. There might even be times when I’ll stop by for a visit. Could there be better times in the future? Possibly, but I’m not going to think about that now.
So… tonight’s Wrestlemania 26. And for the first time in quite a long while, I’m actually intrigued and looking forward to a Wrestlemania due to the promising card and not due to the fact that someone else is buying the PPV.
I’m actually looking forward to a match between Dave Batista and John Cena for the WWE Championship, based solely on Batista’s own role in the story. Cena, of course, contributes absolutely nothing to the story outside of his usual shtick (one week he got beat up by a dozen guys and the next week, he’s skipping around like nothing happened – a great WWE shill, but lousy salesman), but Dave carries the damn feud on his back, playing mind games with Cena, taunting Cena on how he could never beat Batista, interfering in Cena’s matches… it’s a nice build to what may ultimately be a predictable match that Cena may win… but who knows? Maybe WWE will actually surprise me for once.
I’m actually looking forward to Edge vs. Chris Jericho for the World Heavyweight Championship; the unofficial battle of Canada, so to speak. I can’t even recall the last time two Canadian-bred wrestlers were main-eventing a Wrestlemania, competing for the World title. What amazes me is that nobody has the foresight to make this acute observation and turn this into a Triple Threat match featuring some random American-bred wrestler. Maybe “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan could fill in. But yeah; this may turn out to be a great match – albeit one with a rather poor build.
I’m actually looking forward to Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker; the coveted Wrestlemania winning streak vs. a distinguished career. I have my doubts as to whether they’ll pull off a classic on par with their epic last year, but no doubt they’ll pull something wonderful out of their collective asses. When these guy feel like going, they can really go. Of course, with rumors circulating on Michaels’ intention of retiring at Mania rolling around, the conclusion is pretty much forgone. But it doesn’t really have to be… the man could still win and retire in peace because he has nothing left to prove. He did the one thing no one else did and has pretty much done it all… I don’t see it actually happening, but it would be nice to see unfold. You know… something completely different.
I’m actually looking forward to Bret Hart returning to the ring for the first time in years and making a complete ass of himself in his no-holds-barred match against Vince McMahon. Yes, he’s the excellence of execution, best there is, blah, blah, blah, but that was a decade ago, back when he was still remotely relevant and before he got a kick to the head and fall on the wrong side of life. I’m sure this match will be short and sweet, because I don’t see this dragging on for more than five minutes. We don’t need a dull, unexciting match that has the foregone conclusion.
Don’t kid yourselves here. While the thought of watching Bret Hart and Vince McMahon beating the crap out of each other is a rather intriguing prospect and one of those “dream matches” you’d never expect to see in your lifetime, the truth is that this is going to be a disaster of epic proportions. Forget the added street fight stipulations, this is going to be nothing more than a glorified bitch-slapping contest between two old guys who have no business being in the ring at this point in their lives. You might as well make this a “Bottle of Geritol on a Pole” match, bring in the walkers, crutches, wheelchairs, and dialysis machines, and watch two old geezers embarrass themselves before a live pay-per-view audience for the sake of popping a measly PPV buyrate.
Please note that I didn’t mention Montreal in that brief diatribe. See, kids? Some of us CAN get over it. I suggest you do the same.
Hey, speaking of unexciting matches with foregone conclusions, it’s Triple H vs. Sheamus. I have to admit that Sheamus is starting to grow on me. Still a little green and maybe too green to have been given the title, but he’s different and has a rather unique look. Unfortunately, he’s stuck in the ring with He of the three Hs. I don’t like his chances.
I’m also not feeling the love for Money in The Bank. I’m sure the match will be a crazy affair with some crazy spots here and there. But it seems like a really easy way of sticking guys in there for no reason other than they have nothing better to do. For the most part, at least, Money In The Bank has often been a stepping stone to the championship, so maybe some new guy worthy of the title will win it. I doubt it.
The Hall of Fame inductions this year also seems rather low-key in regards to the inductees. It seems like we’re really lacking in major talent for some reason.
But all in all, it looks like a good card. Heck, I might even buckle and consider it Wrestlemania-worthy and that seems like a good thing in itself. It’s just too bad that I won’t be able to watch the live showing. I guess I’ll have to catch the replay or something.
So I’m going to cut this short, but I’ll post some quick predictions here:
10-Diva Tag Match
Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Gail Kim and Beth Phoenix vs. Michelle McCool, Layla, Maryse, Alicia Fox and Vickie Guerrero
If there was a reason for me to care about this match, I must have missed the memo. The only thing I can say with utmost certainty is that this won’t be proceeded by a totally necessary twenty-minute long Kid Rock mini-concert.
Pick: The team with the most interchangeable Barbie dolls.
Winner: The team with the most interchangeable Barbie dolls… and Vickie Guerrero. Either way, I’m right so… (1-0)
Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk
The added stipulation to the match is that if Punk wins, Mysterio must join the Straight Edge Society. Haven’t followed this feud all that much, but I expect the match to be fairly decent. Punk is pretty much on a roll here, but I don’t see him winning this one.
Pick: Rey Mysterio
Winner: Rey Mysterio (2-0)
Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Ted Dibiase
If there was a remote reason for me to care about who wins, I must have missed it. This is going to be an easy win for Orton and he’ll continue on his tweener ways. So much for the Legacy experiment.
Pick: Randy Orton
Winner: Randy Orton (3-0… boring)
Unified Tag-Team Championship Match
Big Show & Miz (c) vs. John Morrison & R-Truth
Despite Show’s horrific Wrestlemania record (the guy has racked only one win tops since his first appearance at Wrestlemania XV), I have a feeling that the champions are going to retain the titles. Hopefully, when it comes time to drop the straps, it’ll go to an actual TAG-TEAM as opposed to two guys thrown together with nothing better to do.
Pick: Big Show & Miz
Winner: Big Show & Miz (4-0)
Triple H vs. Sheamus
Hey, Sheamus. Welcome to your first Wrestlemania. Here’s HHH to give you the grand Wrestlemania debut of your life, similar to how Ultimate Warrior gave HHH the grand Wrestlemania debut of his life… essentially a four-second squash. And if it goes longer than that, I’ll be pleasantly surprised… but not by much.
Pick: He of the Three Hs
Winner: He of the Three Hs (5-0… seriously?)
Money In the Bank ladder match featuring 10 guys with nothing better to do
Lots of guys bounce around, lots of guys invoke high-risk moves, a good timekiller if nothing else.
Pick: Christian
Winner: Jack Swagger (or as I like to call him, Who The Fuck Is Jack Swagger) (5-1)
Bitch-Slapping Contest er, I mean, Street Fight
Bret “Hitman” Hart vs. Vince McMahon
I’ve said everything I needed to say about this match above.
Pick: Bret Hart
Winner: Bret Hart in a one-sided bitch-slapping contest (6-1)
World Heavyweight Championship
Edge vs. Chris Jericho (c)
Like I said, this should be a decent match. Almost surprised that this wasn’t made a triple threat due to the fact that it’s a World title match between two blonde Canadian guys. Jericho is going to retain to keep the feud going.
Pick: Chris Jericho
Winner: Chris Jericho (7-1)
And I’m not editing these to make myself look good either. These are my actual picks… I’m quite surprised.
WWE Championship
Batista (c) vs. John Cena
This match is a foregone conclusion, but the feud was actually a good watch. For the most part.
Pick: John Cena
Winner: Joh— Take a Fucking Guess (8-1)
Career Vs. Streak, No Holds Barred
Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker
I’ve said everything I needed to say about this match above.
Pick: Undertaker
Winner: Undertaker (9-1)
Surprised they’re actually closing the show with this. But fuck that.
That’s it for me. See you next month.
dtm666 